I was talking with my sistar friend and she asked me how my Mother’s Day was. I told her it was really nice, though it was a special day, it looked like most of my Sundays with more physical gifts. HIstorically, Mother’s Day is a day when mothers are appreciated and get to do what they want to do. “Leave your mom alone it’s Mother’s Day” is what I heard growing up. This was the one day of the year my mom did not have to worry about her children bothering the stew out of her.
There was a time in my not so distant past that I was afraid to ask for what I wanted and needed from my family. If I was home, especially on a weekend, I felt like I needed be doing something for them or at the very least be available for them when they needed me. If I wanted time alone, I had to leave the house. This changed 6 years ago when my father made his transition across the veil and an interesting thing happened, my family left me alone. I started spending long evenings on my front porch when everyone was home. I spent hours every Sunday in my garden working through my feelings and no one bothered me. No one called my name or tried to look for me, they were fine and I felt no guilt spending so much time with ME. When I was needed, I supported them and went back to my inner space.
As time went on and wounds began to heal around my grief, I found I did not need so much alone time to process my grief, however the sacred me time I had rediscovered during my mourning was a gift in the midst of one of the hardest times of my life. I did not want to give it up. What was I going to do? Was I going to make up excuses for stepping away from my family or was I going to be honest and ask for what I needed? It took some working through and having some very honest discussions with myself first about how much I valued myself.
I began to examine the stories I had been telling myself of why my family “needed” me and exploring what being a “good” mom and wife meant. I began to to dismantle and detangle my beliefs from old outdated societal programing from peers, and my upbringing. I began to explore my own codependent patterns and I made some choices about what I wanted.
I have learned, I need to continue these inner conversations to help maintain a sense of harmony. It is about being more mindful and noticing what I am feeling about motherhood and worthiness. In other words it is an ongoing process of self discovery.
Whether you have physically birthed a child into the world or not, we all have an inner mother that needs a Mother’s Day everyday or at the very least every Sunday.
Make every Sunday your Mother’s Day by working with these journal prompts:
- What stories, or thoughts do you have about being a good mother?
- What was your relationship like with your mother as a child?
- Have you explored the inner nurturer that lives in you?
- Are you willing to spend time away from your family while they are home with you? why or why not?
- What has society, peers, and your culture taught you about being a “good” mother?
- Who have been your examples of a spiritual mother?
- What soul nourishing practices do you do to support your daily life?
- Explore your favorite parts of Mother’s Day and give yourself permission to ask for this every week, of yourself and others. Notice any resistance to this request and explore the resistance with compassion.
Final notes: Sacred writing can be a very empowering tool to self discovery and growth. Be very gentle with yourself as you enter into this sacred space. Be sure to seek support as needed from your healing practitioner.